EDITING: Before & After
I like to make things better. Here are a few examples of the kind of changes I've made.
My own writing gets the red pen, too, in a constant process of refining and clarifying my message.
Jargon be gone
This 38-word sentence is mouthful of jargon and $5 words. Let's humanize it!
BEFORE
AFTER
Our primary goal was to reduce the impact of this incident to your business by working as quickly as possible to identify and mitigate the underlying issue and assess the full scope of the impact to our customers.
When an issue comes up, our primary goal is always reducing the impact to your business.
In this case, we worked as quickly as possible to understand the scope of the issue and find the source of the problem. Having this information allows us to give you the details you need to take next steps.
